Let’s not kid ourselves. We all know July is when we start to become a bit unglued. It’s hot – so goddamned hot – and the city is overrun with those summer kids, now free from the confines of their schools and out there terrorizing the good citizens of the Mile High City what with their crabgrass music jam festivals and their smoking-pot, not to mention the eating-pot which makes everyone SUPER LOCO so that it’s like you don’t even want to go outside lest some kid start trying to steal your wallet to be able to afford another taste, just one more fucking taste. It gets to the point where it’s like, “Enough! When do we get to have something that’s for us? Not heathen summer rebels, but US, you know?”
Here’s the thing: WE DO KNOW.
Because when things get a little out-of-hand, when it feels like your world might be in disarray, the Grawlix is the port in the storm. In these tumultuous, high-summer times it’s important to remember what brought us all together in the first place: world-class stand-up comedy in a beautiful historic theater in the Queen City of the Plains hosted by “the best looking comedians that have ever graced a stage.” – E!
So lock the doors, turn the lights off, hire a sitter, and hope that the deranged, insatiable wayward teens don’t realize you’re out for the night because THEY WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE UP WITH THEIR BLINK 182 PARTIES and come on out to the Grawlix!
This month we have one doozy of a show.
Via Los Angeles we have comedy rock-star Brandie Posey, formerly known as Apathy Spice, currently known as the owner of your heart.
It’s not very often you can accurately predict a bear-sighting, what with their wandering, foraging ways, but this month, we’ve got a guaranteed bear appearance in the form of Denver legend Chuck Roy. Yeah. That Chuck Roy.
Add to that mix comedian extraordinaire Mike Drucker, coming in hot off his Emmy nomination for his work on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, and former writer for SNL, The Onion, McSweeny’s and a filthy little pornographic newsletter that he got in trouble for distributing at 30 Rock for its Communist undertones.
Haha. We don’t care, Mike! We don’t name names!
Except for our own. The Grawlix. Expect a motley pastiche of sets from us, a new video from Evan Nix and Adam Nix, general good vibes and NO DANGEROUS TEENAGERS. NOT ONE.
That’s the Grawlix guarantee.
Doors at 10. Show at 10: 30, $10 cash.
Be there. Be somebody. Lock your doors. Those kids are fucking everywhere
Spring is in the air and accordingly we here at GloboGrawlixCorp Multi-Use Pipes and Pipe-fitting, LTD. have taken it upon ourselves to do a little bit of spring cleaning to the ole operation, a little tidying of the house, if you will.For starters: Nelson the Vaguely Ethnic Comedian we use for cheap, below-the-belt racist jokes has been fired. We thank him for his years of dutiful and hilarious services but when the city council slaps you with an ordinance the city council slaps you with an ordinance. For those wishing to see more of Nelson he’ll be at Snortz in Bowling Green May 11-13.
Two, we are no longer allowed to give out free Frito Pie’s as the Bug Theater’s Dyson can no longer sustain the repeated chili vacumming.
Three, a good 3/4 of the chairs have been removed to install a rooftop party deck. We look forward to the influx of new comedy fans/rooftop drinking enthusiasts/steakheads.
I suppose that’s it for the changes.
But one thing that won’t change is the consistently amazing live shows we’ve been giving Denver for three years.
Great segway, Adam. Thanks Adam.
For starters we have San Francisco boy hero Jules Posner making his Grawlix debut and we hear bringing free clean needles for junkies. Thanks Jules!
Then we have giant Jew/East High School alum Noah Gardenswartz to come and talk to us in his signature, late 90′s Pharcyde drawl, eventually luring all of us into a park to drink 40′s.
In addition to that we got Propaganda host and comedy goodwill ambassador Matt Monroe making his Grawlix debut and showing everyone his horrific scars under his beanie! NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.
Rounding out the bill is Emily Heller, a comedian who dared to ask the question, “What if I did Conan and John Oliver and was also a Variety Top Ten Comic to Watch?” The answer would be her losing her shit backstage over a lack of party-tray celery.
Add to that volatile mix some combination of the Grawlix and videos and spring-flavored hatred and resentment and it sounds to me, Adam Cayton-Holland, like we’ve got a Grawlix.
Or were you and under the impression Ben and Andrew wrote these sometimes? Pshaw. As if.
Doors at 10, show at 10:30. Get there early and hop in line, y’all. $10. Cash.
To think, a mere three years ago we awoke from our collective fever dream where we were participating in the sixteen-day-long Hopi Snake Dance and thought, “Hey, we should do a comedy show again!” Out of that epiphany was born the Grawlix and who would have believed all that would come from that simple yet profound realization. We’ve made web-series together, we’ve made a pilot together, we’ve done podcasts and festivals and traveled the globe together. We all murdered a guy named Kenny together but we never talk about it and we all really need therapy to work that shit out but we still just pretend it didn’t happen which is suuuuuper weird. But the most important thing that we’ve done, our very favorite thing that has happened in all those three years, is performing month after month for our beloved hometown audience in Denver, Colorado. Pandering? Nay. It’s just the straight-up truth.
Expect more of that – sprinkled liberally with occasional Macbeth-ian breakdowns about the blood on our hands from Kenny – for the three year anniversary when we welcome Los Angeles’ amazing Fringe Riders to the show! Don’t know the Fringe Riders? Well buckle up. Imagine if three cowboys took too much peyote, listened to a bunch of stand up comedy albums, and then gathered around the fire to spin a few whisky-and-bloodlust fueled yarns. The Fringe Riders are absolutely hilarious and we’re excited to welcome them into the Grawlix fold.
What else? Not one, but two secret guests! Two!
What else? Just Kyle Kinane. No big deal. Kyle has been a friend of the Grawlix throughout and it only made sense to have him back out here for our three-year-anniversary she-bang. Just seemed natural.
Add to all that a new video and brand new sets by we intrepid Grawlix three and we’d say we got ourselves a three-year-anniversary blowout.
Doors are at 10, show is at 10:30, and if we were you we would get in line early to get a spot at this show. Going to be a hot ticket. A hot ticket that costs $10. Cash.
THREE MORE YEARS! THREE MORE YEARS! THREE MORE YEARS!
Thursday, Feb 13, The Grawlix will be special guest at Movie Interruption playing at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Littleton, Colorado. Watch and listen as the boys raze this classic tale of boy meets girl live. For tickets head over to the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema’s website.
The Grawlix/Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail Mashup Spectacular show that takes place January 10 2014 at the Bug theatre are on sale today! Get them now before they sell out! http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/529415
Jonah and Kumail from The Meltdown are going to give us a sneak peak of their new show they will soon be recording for Comedy Central and they have asked The Grawlix to join them as special guests! The show is on January 10 at Denver’s Bug Theatre but presale tickets are available Tuesday morning December 10. We plan for them to go fast and we will have only a super small handful of tickets available at the door. Don’t be a slacker and miss your chance to see this once in a lifetime show!
Grab your presales here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/529415
The Meltdown is the flagship show of the Nerdmelt showroom and was named the #1 comedy show in Los Angeles by LA Weekly in 2012, the best comedy show in LA by Splitsider, and was called out as the top live shows in LA by Serial Optimist! And in May 2013, Hollywood Reporter named them one of the hottest places to see comedy in LA.
As you gather this Thanksgiving to give thanks for all the many blessings you can forcefully cram into your cornucopia, lets us remind you that the greatest gift of all is one of those cool soda streams that make sparkling water. Seriously. Holiday season is nigh upon us and who wouldn’t want one of those things? The ones that look like a penguin from Williams-Sonoma, are you kidding me? Those are what the French refer to as, “le dope shit.” But the greatest gift after that is the gift of getting the fuck away from your family immediately after stuffing your face full of tryptophan and glazed cranberries, and heading to the Grawlix on Black Friday!
Joining us this month will be Tim Messenger, a comic the Grawlix has had our collective eye on for quite some time, mainly because he’s been known to steal for no real reason at all. He’s also happens to put the “hilarious” in “completely volatile,” as a recent appearance in the finals of the Comedy Works New Talent contest confirmed. Huzzah!
Who else? Oh, just Dave Ross, he of the sketch group Women and the new Nerdist podcast “Terrified” and of the Grawlix performance last year around Thanksgiving time where he put the “uncomfortable” in “jokes about fucking his dad.” Huzzah again!
Lastly, but most certainly not leastly, we’ve got muhfucking Baron Vaughn a.k.a. Vaughn Beev for Facebook tagging purposes. Let the credits scroll: Conan, Farily Legal on USA, a recent Comedy Central Half-Hour Special! Boom. Baron is a five-tool threat who happens to put the “finally able to play the Grawlix” in “had to reschedule several times.” Otra vez Huzzah!
Add to that all three Grawlix boys and we’d say it’s safe to say Gracias a Dios for stand-up comedy. So come on out to the Grawlix, gang, the show that puts the “tired gimmick at this point” in “wrapping up a Facebook invite.”
Bug Theater. Doors at 10. $10. Cash. Let everyone know that you are going!
We here at Grawlsanto Farms LTD have been hard at work all summer long tending to the crops, treating them with only the most organic of harsh chemicals in order to yield seemingly impossible results from the parched, bitter earth and we couldn’t be happier to share with you the fruits of our labor in the form of our October Grawlix show, aka The Harvest.
It’s not just a Niel Young album that you listened to too much in college, it’s also a fecund dick joke feast brought to you by the hardest working boys in the biz. And also the Grawlix.
From Los Angeles, we’ve got Scott Boxenbaum, German for “fights chapsticks,” a great comic who we’re excited to welcome into the fold.
From Denver, we’re excited to welcome Shayna Ferm, German for “not soft,” host of the uber-popular “Pump and Dump” show who’s going to play us a few of her fun songs. We’re excited to welcome her into the fold.
From New York, we’ve got Kara Klenk, German for “the sound glasses make when you gingerly tap them together.” Kara is a UCB maven and a killer comic in her own right and we’re excited to welcome her into the fold.
Headlining the whole shindig will be the lovely and talented Jared Logan, German for “war crimes.” Fresh off his Comedy Central 1/2 hour, Jared is a hilarious comedian who did one of our favorite episodes of Mash Up ever. He’s also a Grawlix veteran from a stellar performance on our show at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. We’re excited to welcome him into the fold which at this point is SUPER damn crowded.
Add to that robust harvest feast all three Grawlix dudes with some new sets and the best little theater in the country at the Bug and it sounds like we’ve got ourselves a show.
We are taking this show on the road! Here is some info on the tour dates. First up we going to be apart of the New York Comedy Festival on November 8th, 2013. Buy tickets here! Soon after we are going to be at Club Chuckles in San Francisco on November 15th, 2013. Buy tickets here! We still have shows planned for Denver on the last friday of every month, too!